A Christmas Kenzi
by Sarahj 73
Summary: When Kenzi is confronted with her past she panics and does the one thing she knows how to do best... she runs. A new take on an old classic.
1. Chapter 1

Huge hugs to my special friend Carly Carter. Without her unending supply of patience and support I would never have finished this story, let alone published it. Now... on with the story...

It's Christmas Eve and Kenzi is not in a good mood. She hates Christmas and everything to do with it. All morning she had been snapping at Bo and banging the cupboard doors whenever she needed anything. It's getting late in the evening now and her feelings of anger have not gone away. Kenzi's odd behaviour is down to this being her first Christmas with Bo, and she is really scared about that. Kenzi wants to run, every instinct is telling her this is going to be bad.

Watching Bo decorate the tree she has brought for their place makes the bile stir in Kenzi's stomach. She twists her hands in front of her as she stands there watching. Her insides are curling and retching as she watches Bo carefully select the next bauble placement. Kenzi wants to tear it down and scream at Bo, "No this is wrong, it's all wrong! Take it down and throw it in the trash where it belongs!" But watching Bo's smile and the light shine in her eyes like she was a child full of magical wonder, is enough to keep Kenzi from saying anything. So she just swallows the bad memories that are trying to force their way out into the open, and pastes on a fake smile.

When Bo has finished decorating she steps back, turns and smiles at Kenzi, "Hey Kenzi, what do you think. Not bad eh?" Kenzi replies carefully as to not give away her true feelings of contempt for the tree, "Yeah it's good," she says hoping Bo doesn't notice her lack of enthusiasm. Luckily Bo is preoccupied with rummaging in a large cardboard box. Kenzi's world is spinning and her best friend has no idea. Her head is pounding, she needs to sit down, before she falls down. Making some lame excuse to Bo about drinking too much the night before gives her the excuse she needs to go and sit on the couch.

Bo is so wrapped up in what she is doing that she dismisses Kenzi with a wave in her general direction, "Okay, you sit for a bit, watch some tv," she says not really paying attention and doesn't notice the anguish in Kenzi's" voice.

Kenzi clicks the power on and throws the remote on the cushion next to her. For once Kenzi is relieved that Bo hasn't noticed the way she is acting. She never saw the look on Kenzis face when she first saw that tree. She has no idea the demons Kenzi is fighting to keep inside. Demons that are threatening to spill all her past dark secrets to Bo.

She hasn't been living with Bo for very long but when they first met, the day Bo saved her ass in the elevator, Kenzi has felt an instant attraction to her. Everyone does she is a succubus after all. Bo is designed for sex, man or woman it didn't matter, Bo needs sex to survive. If Kenzi had to, she would "take the plunge" if Bo needed her. But this is more than a sexual attraction, it's a deep and meaningful friendship. Kenzi always considered herself a loner, she never needed anyone, but Bo has come along and changed all that. Kenzi feels love like she's never experienced, but she knows she's in too deep now. She is terrified that Bo will find out about her past and will treat her differently. Or worse still, be disgusted and have her locked up! When Bo claimed her as her human Kenzi knew it was partly because she felt responsible for her. That sucks because Kenzi is a free spirit and doesn't want to be owned. Her inner voice is quick to point out, _Of course you are grateful that Bo saved you, but when Bo finds out what you've done, that's it. It's over! No more Bo and Kenzi, no more home, even if it is a rundown, no walled crack shack, it's still your home_.

"A dollar for them," Bo says and interrupts Kenzi's thoughts.

"Huh, what? A dollar for what now?" Kenzi asks confused staring at Bo.

Bo laughs and says playfully, "Your thoughts silly." Then with a smile on her face she hands Kenzi something.

Kenzi is not really following the conversation and doesn't notice the angel tree topper that Bo has just given her. Her focus has shifted to the tv when the news announcer says, "A body has been found by workers in a Brooklyn sewer. Police suspect it's been there a number of years and a small pen knife has been recovered nearby. They suspect foul play. The body has been taken to a pathologist and when they have more information, we will update you. Now stay tuned for the local weather."

Kenzi reaches for the remote and turns the tv off. Her palms are sweating and she's afraid her lunch is going to make a re-showing over the couch.

"I don't like the news either, too depressing. Kenzi, you want to do the honours?" Bo says hopping on her feet excitedly, like a child on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to deliver their toys. Kenzi can't bare to break the magical spell, even if her world is coming to an end.

Kenzi looks at her hands and her heart starts beating rapidly, leaving her gasping for breath. She stands shaking and throws the Angel back to Bo. Stammering a little and closing her eyes she says, "Uh, um no. It's okay I er...have to do...er, stuff...important stuff that needs um...doing right now." And with that she runs off leaving Bo standing there open mouthed wondering what the hell just happened!

When Kenzi reaches her bedroom she's out of breath, it isn't a big distance to run but she felt like a pack of wolves were chasing her. Never has she been so relieved to be in her room, her sanctuary. She flops on the bed landing on her front and allows the tears she is holding in to flow freely. Lying there with her head buried in her pillow sobbing, memory after memory assaults her, each leaving a stab wound on her heart. Mostly she remembers the tree, and oh God the handmade angel that had dangled from her drunk mothers hand while she was passed out in the kitchen. That little angel had been a gift for her mother, made so lovingly. Covered in glitter and glue she had run home after school to find the caretaker, Mr Wyzanski lugging a Christmas tree across the hall to her apartment. She remembers being so excited to see it, jumping up and down like a crazy girl, rather than helping him get it inside. Her mother was at work and her...well he wasn't home yet either. It was going to be a wonderful surprise for her mother. She couldn't wait to see the look on her mothers face when she saw the tree. But young eight year old Kenzi had learnt a harsh lesson that day.

She rubs her side where the broken rib had been. Shaking herself out of the memory, she tells herself, _no, no more crying, not over him! I won't let him in, no, not again!_ She turns her head and notices for the first time a present neatly wrapped under one of the pillows. Picking it up she reads the label, 'To Kenzi my sister, I love you so much. Thank you for being in my life... Bo xxx.' Pulling her legs up and holding them she slowly rocks back and forth sobbing, cradling the present close to her heart.

Kenzi is really hoping Bo will leave her alone...at least for a little while, just long enough to sort out her feelings. She just needs some time to bury everything that has escaped from deep down in the dark spaces, where nothing can hurt her. But this is Bo, and sure enough Kenzi can hear her footsteps as she got closer. Quickly Kenzi buries the present back under the pillow. A minute later, there Bo was standing in front of Kenzi, looking at her with a hurt expression and the one thing Kenzi didn't want to see in her best friends eyes...tears that she has caused.

Kenzi's eyes are watering again. This time not from the pain of remembering, but the sadness she sees reflected in Bo's eyes. Kenzi desperately tries to hide her face in her sleeve so Bo won't see she's been crying. Bo looks confused and hurt enough, she doesn't need to see the evidence of Kenzi's pain on top. So keeping her face buried she listens to Bo's soft voice.

"Kenzi, are you okay honey?" Bo asks uncertain, chewing her lip with her teeth.

It's tearing up Kenzi's insides to hear the doubt in Bo's voice. Bo is a strong woman, a fighter. With matters of the heart however, she is still learning. Kenzi wants to tell her best friend that everything is so fucked up right now, she wants to explain why she's acting like a brat, why Christmas is hard for her to cope with...and what happened. She wants to say all these things, confess her sins. Instead she lies. "I'm fine," is her slightly muffled reply.

"Now say that and mean it," Bo tells her softly. "Honey, I want to help. Please let me help you. Tell me what's wrong?" She says pleading.

Kenzi's heart is breaking, she doesn't want to have this conversation with Bo. Not now, NOT EVER! She looks up and sees the pain still evident in Bo's eyes. It's too much and Kenzi buries her head in her sleeve once more to hide her own grief.

"Kenzi, talk to me." This time there is no mistaking the tone, it's the 'she is going to get the answers she wants and if Kenzi doesn't like it, well tough luck' voice.

 _Not this time, I can't let her see the real me._ Kenzi thinks sadly. The walls are closing in, Christmas is suffocating her, she can't breathe. She's trembling slightly. She has to run. Kenzi knows she has to be cruel to be kind.

So taking a deep breath in to steady her nerves, she looks Bo squarely in the eyes and tells her, "I said I'm fine, geesh you have blocked ears or something?" Kenzi needs to get Bo away from her, so she lets the words spew out of her mouth like an angry swarm of bees. "I don't need you, I don't need your advice either. Just get the hell out and leave me alone, why don't you go hump a wolf or something if you're bored!" she cries. Kenzi regrets the words as soon as she says them. She watches the shock register on Bo's face, then grasping the opportunity she reaches over the bed and grabs the nearest thing off her nightstand, and hurls it in Bo's direction.

Narrowly missing Bo it smashes against the door frame and breaks apart. The little music box Bo had given her, the welcome to my home present now lay in pieces at Bo's feet. The spring that held the ballerina had snapped and the figure was loose and bent over as if she had fallen ungraciously and landed in a heap. The pink ballerina was still trying to turn. What was once a beautiful gift from her best friend, now is a mangled mess of wooden and metal pieces.

The music box is still trying to play but the sounds coming from it are no longer sweet and melodic, they are all mangled together like the devil himself is mimicking the music. The music box refuses to die, clinging to the last few notes as the little ballerina dances her last dance.

It breaks Kenzi's heart to see her music box smashed. She had dreamed of becoming a ballerina once when she was a young girl. They had such grace and poise. She was always tripping over her own feet and being called a fucking klutz, among other things. But mostly she is upset because it's the first real gift from a friend. Bo is so much more to Kenzi than a friend, she is like a sister. Getting into trouble together had been the norm, but saving each other...no that was special. Kenzi realised early on that Bo would die to protect her. No one in Kenzi's life had ever put themselves out to help her.

Kenzi knows she has to stay strong, all she wants however is to run to Bo and wrap her arms around her, and hug her for all she is worth. Kenzi's whole world is shattering around her and it's her own doing. She feels sick. Her heart is tearing, her hands are shaking, she wants to beg Bo's forgiveness, to tell Bo she loves her and she's sorry. But she doesn't do or say any of that, instead she stands there frozen staring at Bo.

Kenzi watches the tears form in Bo's eyes. She closes her eyes tightly as the voices swirl in her mind, _she'll find out, she will learn everything, your past, what you've done! she will learn all of it Kenzi, she will see the real you. She won't want you Kenzi, and all this...will be taken from you, run Kenzi, protect yourself...get out while you still have a chance!_

Kenzi's inner voice is right, she has to protect herself, she knows the words that will cut Bo down emotionally, giving Kenzi the chance to slip away. Gathering all the courage inside of her and with her hands still shaking and heart hammering in her chest, she delivers the final blow, "Bo, un-claim me."


	2. Chapter 2

Kenzi keeps her head down, too afraid to look up. What would she see if she did? Is Bo standing there with a horrified look on her face, or has she gone? Have Kenzi's words shattered her? Is she standing there angry, waiting for an explanation? Whatever the outcome Kenzi knows she can't stare at the floor all night, she has to face up to what she's just said. Preparing herself for the crushed look on her best friend's face she hesitantly looks up. Her breath is stolen and her heart cracks open a little more when she sees the broken look on Bo's face. She watches the way Bo bites her lip in an effort to stop the tears, but it's no use as the tears break free and race down Bos face.

Kenzi can't bare to look any longer and buries her head in her hands, wishing the world would swallow her up! She does know what this is doing to Bo, but it's the only way Kenzi can protect the terrible secret she's been hiding from everyone. She can hear Bo quietly sobbing and her heart breaks in two.

"Kenzi?" Bo asks barely above a whisper.

A dawning horror descends on Kenzi like a black mist blocking out all the light, she's going to have to explain. Of course Bo won't just let her go, not without a bloody good reason. Kenzi knows she has one, it's just she can't tell Bo.

"I have to go," Kenzi says between breaths. The oxygen has left the room and now she's struggling for every lungful of air. Her heart is dancing the dance of betrayal in her chest. It's heavy and clumsy and any second it's going to fall. But she struggles on when Bo asks her, "Why?"

"I don't want to stay here anymore, I don't want to be a part of this world...your world", she adds quickly. "I want my old life back, things were less...complicated." Of course she's lying but this is taking every ounce of Kenzi's willpower, the urge to give in and repair the damage is trying to consume her. Kenzi just has to stay strong a little while longer.

Bo looks away wiping her eyes with her arm then says, "I thought you were happy here?"

Slow to answer to prolong the moment Kenzi answers quietly, "I was."

"Oh," is all Bo manages to say before stepping over the smashed music box and sits on the bed next to Kenzi. She doesn't speak and when Kenzi looks up Bo is still staring at the demolished music box.

"What can I say, how do I change your mind? Bo asks pleading, "Please Kenzi, don't go!" Bo turns to her and reaches for Kenzi's shaking hands.

"Please Bo don't." Kenzi pulls violently away and stands up. Bo's face has that same look as when she told her to un-claim her. Like a thousand knives are piercing her heart. Bo is crying and her brow is in a deep furrow. "Kenzi, please," she begs trying not to pressure her.

"Please, don't touch me," Kenzi says as she turns her back on Bo. She can't risk Bo using her Fae touch. She doesn't want Bo to learn what she is hiding. She trusts Bo, she really does. But she knows Bo too, knows she has this drive to fix things, to make things better. Bo can't fix this, or make it better.

Bo stands and Kenzi feels her brush past as she walks out of the room. Without turning Bo says in a quiet voice, "I know you don't want this, this isn't you talking Kenzi. When you're ready to talk I'll be at the Dal waiting." Bo walks away leaving Kenzi standing there stunned. Bo never put up much of a fight, Kenzi expected violence and a lot more begging. It was a selfish thought but she couldn't help it, Bo was her world now. The fact that Bo just walked away proves to Kenzi what she's doing is right for everyone. It's best she just goes.

Kenzi listens as she hears the front door open and close and realises she is on her own now. She has exactly what she wanted, Bo has left and she's free to run. But deep down inside Kenzi doesn't want this. Fear and an uncertain future are driving her on. But it's too much for her and her legs buckle and she sits back down on the bed with a sinking feeling. She doesn't want Bo or the others finding out what she has done. She never planned on hurting Bo...not like that. She saw an opportunity and took it. Once she started her plan, pain and fear took over and she did what was necessary.

With tears falling she walks to the wardrobe and opens the door. Bending down she rummages for her biggest hold-all. She starts cramming clothes in it as fast as she can, any minute Bo could return for something she had forgotten, so Kenzi knows has to work fast. She has filled the bag in a few minutes and turns to leave, she stops and looks back. She runs to the little parcel under her pillow and snatches it, then stuffs it into the bag and zips it up. The zip won't close because the present is preventing it.

She has to go now, but it feels like her legs are wading through wet mud as she nears the front door. She needs to leave now. Kenzi has no plan and she knows the others will be able to track her. Especially wolfy boy and his freakishly accurate nose. She opens the front door and looks back, it has been fun living with Bo, she really does love her, but this is for the best. Kenzis heart is shattering, she knows she's never going to see Bo or the others again. But Bo can never know, that's why she has to go. Closing the door carefully behind her and with tears running down her face, she walks out into the quiet night.

Being on the streets again for Kenzi is an odd feeling. A little disorientated she tries to come up with a plan as she hurries away, deeper into the darkness of a moonless night. She thinks the best way to go would be to go through the old abandoned warehouse. The smells from the place are rancid. It used to be an old fish store and the smells still linger years after it was closed down. Kenzi hopes that will confuse Dyson, or at best slow him a little and make it harder for him to track her. If she can just get far enough into the sewer tunnels on the other side of the factory, she'll be safe. _safe from who Kenzi?_ the voices taunt her. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her iPod and not wanting to hear the voices, she cranks up the volume of her favourite band.

After walking for an hour Kenzi has no idea if Dyson or Bo will come looking for her, will they even know she's gone yet? Her heart is racing as she hurries through the old building. Her bag is heavy but she doesn't care, she has one destination in mind...the sewers. If she can get there she hopes to get lost in the maze of tunnels that run underground. She knows the sewer systems well, it's where she spent most of her time before she met Bo, hiding from the cops.

She hefts her bag up on her shoulder and keeps her head down. She wants no trouble and she knows this place has some very shady characters. Opening the creaking door Kenzi steps inside and is hit immediately by the odour of rotting fish. Yep, it's just as she remembered! Once or twice in her younger years she's come here, drug addicts and gang members frequent the premises. Being in the Fae world has taught her that there are far scarier monsters out there, lurking in the shadows, so she's not afraid...or that's what she tells herself.

Needing to rest she spies a wooden plank that has fallen and created a kind of seat. She sits down wearily knowing that she cannot stay long. She has to keep moving. It's her best chance of escaping. Putting her bag down she spots the present. It's been wrapped in red love heart paper. This brings tears to Kenzi's eyes, knowing Bo did that. She rips it open carefully and pulls out a book. She recognises the book. It's the same one Bo had been reading for days. Flipping open the cover, Bo had written inside...I love you my sister, my confidant, my best friend. Never in my life have I had a special friend like you. Love you forever and a day, Bo xxx  
Crying Kenzi closes the book and runs her fingers over the raised writing...Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol. Bo had told her that no matter how bad things get there's always a way to come back. She wished she believed that, but there was no way back for her now.

She places the book carefully in her bag and stands. Wiping her eyes she picks up her bag, slings it over her shoulder and starts heading towards the exit.

She doesn't hear when two figures start following her. She doesn't see the other one in front hiding in the shadows, until it's too late. He jumps right in front of Kenzi, making her scream and instantly back up...straight into the other men which had snuck up behind her. A little panicked she blurts out, "Look okay, I don't want no trouble, you don't want no trouble, let's call it even and go our seperate ways, okay?"

"Who says we don't want no trouble girlie," the man in front says laughing. "I like trouble, my boys 'ere they like trouble too, right boys?" The other two when she turned to look were practically salivating at the sight of her. The one in front spoke again, this time sniffing the air making Kenzi turn around sharply in fear, "Young, fresh...tastey," he says in a deep voice, licking his lips.

"Tastey?" Kenzi didn't like the sound of that. It sounded like she was the snack, so she tried to imagine what Bo would do? _Well, for a start Bo wouldn't let herself get ambushed._ Kenzi really hated that inner voice! but it was right. Bo wouldn't.

But Bo wasn't here, oh god how she wished Bo, Dyson, Trick, or even Lauren was here right now.

The two men notice Kenzi is distracted and use it to get closer. A loud growl startles them and they pull back. It's too dark to see any faces, but Kenzi knows they are not gang members or drug addicts...they're not human! She is in real trouble. _wow, I've faced all kinds of shit with Bo and I go out in a blaze of glory...by being eaten? S_ he thought bitterly. "Fucking Fae bullshit, that's what this is!" She shouts angrily at the thing in front. She can see its teeth as it grins. Rows and rows of teeth. Preparing herself for being the main meal she drops her bag and brings her fists up, if she was going down, she was going down fighting!

Something hits her head from behind, _stupid Kenzi, you forgot about them. Typical manoeuvre, keep the prey distracted so the others can sneak up. Geesh, you've watched enough nature shows to know that!_ ...and she drops to the cold floor. Lying there dazed from being struck on the head, she hears laughter all around her now. They are like a pack of hyenas, circling and playing with their food...HER! Curling into a ball and putting her arms over her head to protect herself she waits for the final blow. Her head feels like it's splitting open and she is losing consciousness. Through heavy eyes she sees a bright light and she hears a deafening growl, like earlier...well it sounded like a growl. Her attackers have obviously heard it too because they've run away.

Feeling braver now she uncurls and says groggily, "Yeah you better run, that's right run on home to mamma. I'm sure she's got a nice succulent human waiting for you on the table." The white light grows in intensity almost blinding her and she shields her eyes as best she can. Squinting she can make out the figure of someone, as the light gets closer. Kenzi is afraid at first until the light touches her, it calms her fears. She is safe here in this light, she doesn't know how she knows it, she just does. She recognises the silhouette before it steps out of the light and she calls his name quietly before the world fades away, "Dyson?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Kenzi." Her name is softly spoken, but she's comfortable where she is so she snuggles back into the warm embracing light.

"Kenzi, wake up," this time said with a little more insistence.

"I don't wanna go school today," she mumbles and tries to shut out the persistent noise.

"Damnit Kenzi, get your ass up NOW!"

"Alright, alright. Geesh you're annoying, can't a girl rest a minute?" Pulled out of her sleep, Kenzi rubs her eyes, she is groggy and blinks trying to see who has so rudely woken her up. She's not surprised to see Dyson standing there, he could track her through shit if he had to. She groans and rubs her head, "What hit me? she asks as she tries to sit up.

"That would be the soul eater Kenzi, are you okay?" He asks in that deep concerned voice of his that secretly loves.

"Yeah, I'm just peachy. Did you get the number of that truck. Ooh my head, am I bleeding...wait a what eater?" she panics desperately running her hand over her head feeling for a hole where her soul could've been sucked out.

He grabs her hands to stop her, "You are fine," he tells her. "Your soul is still in there," he says laughing pulling her gently to her feet.

"Dude, it's not funny. I could've been Kenzi chow! And not to be all ungrateful or anything, but aren't you supposed to be at the Dal with the others?" she points out.

"Why aren't you?" he counters her question with one of his own.

Kenzi doesn't answer. She doesn't want to talk about that, about how she hurt Bo, especially not to him. So she changes the subject, "Christmas not your deal then?" She realises her bag has opened where she dropped it, the last thing she put in it meant the zip wouldn't fasten all the way. _you just had to get that present! Why? So you can have something to remember her by? What are you doing Kenzi, running away? You know this is going to hurt Bo more than any words you said! But it's too late now, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it._ kenzi really hated that voice of reason, she just hopes with his super wolfy hearing that Dyson can't hear it! The bag has opened and the contents visible. He just has to look down and he will see the evidence of her betrayal. She promised Bo she would never hurt her, always be there for her. But Kenzi knew it was just a matter of time until she or someone else, linked her to what she did...so Kenzi had to run. Turning slightly she hopes that he will turn away and not see it. He interrupts Kenzi's thoughts...

"On the contrary Kenzi, I rather enjoy the holidays," then without a pause he adds, "I know what you're doing," he turns and gives her a knowing look.

This panics her into a jumble of words, "Doing, me, no...um...not doing, just um...here, out walking...um fresh air, you know good for the lungs." She takes an exaggerated breath in to show him.

"And the soul patrol, they were part of your plan?" He asks the question with a straight face.

"Them, oh um, they're old friends. Always joking around." She hates lying but it's better than the truth.

She watches Dyson's face as it scrunches up for a second, like he's going to call her on that lie. She's partly relieved when he says, "Somewhere you need to be?" gesturing to her bag at his feet.

 _Oh that subject is decidedly better...you're busted...he knows Kenzi, he knows...run, run away fast. Hit him hard and run!_

Again that annoying little voice is right, she has to get away from him. He will smell her lies, she's sure of it. Bending down to get her bag she is stopped by Dyson's firm grip on her hand.

"Dyson I have to..."

She's interrupted when he says, "First, you will come with me. No arguments," he says as though he's ordering a child around.

Kenzi doesn't like being ordered to do anything, but there was something in his voice that told her he meant business, plus if Bo has sent Dyson to find her and not come herself...well, she has hurt her, why would she come? What Kenzi has done is unforgivable in her eyes and she hangs her head in shame. Too many people in Bo's life have let her down, Kenzi never thought she would be added to that list.

After a while she pulls out of his hold and tells him angrily, "No, I'm not going back Dyson and you can't make me!" The blood is coursing through her veins feeding the rage that's slowly building. This time her inner voice agrees...  
 _Who the hell does he think he is? It's your life, live it however the hell you want to._

No way is she letting him take her, Bo is better off without her. She's getting ready to fight him if she has to, she won't win...but she can make it difficult for him. _I never needed anyone before, I didn't need him and..._ "I DONT NEED BO!" the last thought is screamed out loud...

"I don't believe that's true, and deep down Kenzi, neither do you," he tells her.

She doesn't want to talk about the way she hurt Bo, not to him, not to anyone...but his soft, gentle and kind voice surrounds her and she finds herself opening up. "I hurt her Dyson, I pulled away from her. I said...things. She doesn't want me around Dyson. I overheard her and Lauren talking about me, how I always get into trouble and Bo has to save me. They didn't know I was listening, but I heard everything. It's better this way, don't you see, she's better without me," she says with tears in her eyes. Y _es better without you, maybe she knows what you've done and wants you gone._

"Kenzi, you are wrong," he quickly grabs her hand again then says, "Hold on, do not let go of me."

Before Kenzi can ask what's going on she notices a bad smell, it's nothing she's ever smelt before. It makes her stomach lurch. A strange crackling blue lightning engulfs her. She can hear his voice in her head telling her not to let go. She's afraid and she holds his hand almost painfully as though her life depends on it. She feels if she lets go, she will be lost somehow.

She can't think straight, her senses are overloading, she's spinning out of control, the lights are too bright, the sound is all wrong...she closes her eyes wishing the ride was over, the only thing keeping her grounded is his hand firmly grasping hers. She risks a peak and wishes that she hadn't, the walls are moving, the floor is bubbling, her head is going to explode. She screams, but no sound comes out.

She looks at Dyson beside her and he's smiling. Suddenly the world comes back into focus and she drops to her hands and knees gasping for breath, when he lets go of her hand.

Gone is the concrete floor, and in its place is a sidewalk. The smell hits her first, something fires in her brain and she looks up still swaying. Dyson helps her to stand and holds her steady, which is good because it stops her from falling flat on her face. Taking a long look around Kenzi is in shock, her mouth falls open as she says with her voice shaking, "How did I get here?" She is standing outside of her old apartment, where she lived when she was younger with her mother and...

"The journey here is unimportant, what has been, is done. You must look inside to find who you are," he tells her and smiles.

"Who are you, freaking Yoda? My bag!" She panics looking around. She doesn't remember grabbing it before they, um, "journeyed" here. She doesn't remember Dyson picking it up either. "Dyson, take me back!" She yells at him. She doesn't want to be here, she never wanted to ever come back to HERE! She hits him with both fists on his chest, over and over screaming, "Take me back!"

He grabs her hands and prevents her hitting him again. "Calm down, everything will be okay, trust me," he tells her calmly. She looks up at him and sees the deep concern in his features. The way his eyes burrow into her soul she knows he would never hurt her...not on purpose. She pulls her hands back and turns, not wanting him to see the tears that are stinging her eyes.

She closes them tightly, she doesn't need to see it. Kenzi remembers this place, it's burned deep in her memories. The red brick building, the winding front fire escape and the many windows of the apartments that housed people and rats alike. She promised herself she would never come back here. She turns back around to face him, a million questions are flying through her mind. She opens and then wipes her eyes with the back of her sleeve, because there's no point hiding anything from him. Not now.

"How?" is all she manages to squeak out.

"That is unimportant for now Kenzi," he walks to her and hugs her.

Feeling enraged Kenzi pushes him off her and spits at him, "Unimportant to YOU maybe. But me, I would like to know why we are suddenly in my worst freaking nightmare!" She feels her face flush with anger, she wants to hit him, again, and again. _Doesn't he know, can't he see it?_

"SHUT UP!" she screams. Kenzi is trembling with anger, she's angry at Dyson, angry at the unfairness of being here...but more so...angry at herself for letting this place back in.

"Calm down, getting upset will not help you, or the situation. You have to trust me Kenzi. Can you do that, can you trust me?" He is betraying her panic by being so damned calm.

 _Trust him? somehow through some Fae device he's brought you here, to the Bronx. You never asked him to, you WOULDNT have asked him to..._ the voices are back and louder than ever. She tries to drown them out as she answers him, "Trust you? why would I do that?" She's pacing back and forth. "I never asked to be brought here Dyson, take me home now" she demands. The tears are flowing, she doesn't want to be here, she looks around and sees the old swing set, the tree split by lightning that she used to climb with Nate. She stops and just stares at the broken old tree. She tries to smile through the tears as she tells Dyson, "Nate was my best friend. He used to live next door. We did everything together, we were inseparable. We had a wedding once, to each other, witnessed by my teddy bears and his Tonka trucks. We were only young, but Nate felt like the boy I was meant to spend the rest of my life with...you know?" Dyson only nods his head as she continues, "I sobbed for days when he went away to live with his mother, days of my heart breaking, not being able to talk to him, until my stepfather..."

"Until your stepfather what? Dyson gently urges her to continue.

"Huh? Oh nothing. Nothing happened, I was sad, he was gone...the end!" She sits down on the wall at the front of the block of apartments. Looking down, staring at her feet, she cries again. Kenzi wasn't about to reveal her inner self to Dyson, this was a part of herself she had fought so hard to keep hidden. It was too painful, too awful, so no one could ever know. Her Nana once warned her that the past if not dealt with, will come back to bite you on the zhopa. She never listened, instead she chose to bury the feelings and forget.

Dyson sits down carefully next to her, "Tell me what happened here," he speaks with such compassion that Kenzi feels her heart melt, she looks up to speak but stops herself. Her hands are shaking and she's nervously scratching her nails into her bare thigh drawing blood.

"I can't, I'm sorry Dyson, I just can't," she says lowering her head.

Dyson puts his hand over hers to stop her and lifts her face with his finger, "Do you trust me?" he asks this time looking deep into her eyes. In that second she feels his love cover her like a blanket. Kenzi isn't sure why it's so important to him that she trust him, but despite where they are, he did save her backside before. She knows he would never intentionally hurt her. So she answers in a small voice that can barely be heard, "Yes."

"Good, there is something you need to see." He stands offering his hand to her. She doesn't want to see anything, she has a pretty good idea where he wants to take her. Panicking she hears in her mind, _why does he want to show you where you used to live? Is there a crime he needs your help with? Did someone get murdered here? Why didn't he get Bo to help him. Have they had another falling out. Is that why he's not at the Dal? If he knew, if he only knew what being back here is doing to you_ her thoughts are troubling, _why does he want me to come back here?_ Despite being terrified she accepts his hand and slowly gets to her feet. Opening the doors he walks her inside towards the flight of stairs that lead to the upper apartments.

As the stairs come into view she changes her mind, she doesn't want to go but before she has time to tell him they're climbing the steps to her past, her heart is threatening to beat itself right out of her chest. Her hand feels clammy in his strong grip, he is pulling her up the stairs, faster and faster, she feels like she's flying, he doesn't stop...faster and faster...the stairs are a blur now...just when she thinks she's going to hurl...he stops!

When the feeling of throwing up her lunch passes she looks around. Her jaw drops when she sees that nothing has changed. The walls are still a dreary grey colour, the carpeting is the same brown stained one. The doors haven't been repainted either, it's as if time has stood still here. Turning towards Dyson to speak she hears a familiar voice singing.

"Merry Christmas, to me, and to everyone I see."

Kenzi recognises that voice, that crazy man, she would recognise that Polish voice anywhere.

"Hey, Mr Wyzanski. It's me", she yells out. But there's no answer as the singing gets louder. "Hey, it's me. MacKenzie." She's hoping he'll remember. He used to be a funny man and Nate and her would help him sometimes feed or clean out his pigeons, he kept on the roof...for money of course.

Dyson interrupts her, "Kenzi, there's something you should..." but he is cut off when she interrupts him. "Dyson look," she says excited as the singing stops. She can see him now, she was right it is Mr Wyzanski! Her heart feels suddenly lighter, in this god awful place that Dyson has brought her to, at least there's one nice memory of living there.

"Hey, Mr Wyzanski!" She once again yells trying to get his attention. He's walking towards her and she can see what he's holding in his hand. A little Christmas tree. Her heart soars as she remembers him doing that for her, all those years ago. Tears spring to her eyes as she thinks about that little tree of hers.

"Kenzi, there is something you should know, not is all as it seems" Dyson tries to tell her as she wipes at her eyes.

She is about to question him about what that means when she sees something that takes her breath away. A little girl comes skipping up the stairs, she's holding a cardboard angel in one hand and laughing. Kenzi is frozen in disbelief and can't move as the little girl skips right through her and Dyson standing there.

"Dyson?" Kenzi asks him in a scared quiet voice, "Am I dead?"

He wraps her in a tight embrace as she watches the little girl jump up and down and get all excited over the little Christmas tree. "No Kenzi, you are not dead. I promise," he tells her and hugs her tighter to him. She pushes him off gently and wipes her eyes, then asks, "What's happening? Why am I here?"

"Look," is all he says.

Kenzi watches the little girl tell Mr Wyzanski that her parents will be home any time and they need to hurry. She lets him into her apartment with her key and then closes the door behind them.

Dyson walks towards the door and tells Kenzi to follow him. She doesn't want to, this is all wrong, that can't be her...can it? _Of course it's not, how could it be? I'm older and I'm me, aren't I? But she looked like me and how do I explain her passing through me...unless I was dead, which Dyson says I'm not...but why should I believe him? Because Bo trusts him? Does that mean I have to? All I want is to go home, I want to go home..._ she thinks as she follows him. Another voice is ringing in her ears, it's singing too, _You're dead, you're dead, gone, forgotten and buried, rotting like a corpse in the ground, dead, dead, DEAD!_

"I'm not dead!" Kenzi answers the taunt in her mind.

Kenzi will admit that she's terrified. Having a young girl that looks remarkably like her younger self, skip RIGHT THROUGH HER...is enough to freak anyone out!

Each step towards the door feels like the walk of execution. Her feet feel like she's wearing lead boots, they drag on the carpet slowing her progress. She wants to hurt herself, it's the building, it brings the bad out in her. Being here inside it is enough to trigger bad, long forgotten memories. She starts scratching at her arm nervously, feeling the need to bleed, to get rid of the bad blood that flows inside her like a cancer, it will destroy the good parts of her life if she lets it spread. All too soon she finds herself staring at the numbers, 168. _Apartment 168, where nightmares come true_. she thinks shaking.

Kenzi watches in disbelief as Dyson walks through the door without opening it. Then a sudden realisation hits her, "Oh it's a freaking Christmas Kenzi right? Dyson? Hey, Dyson!" she shouts through the door.

Dyson puts his head through startling her making her jump back, "Dude, seriously. Warn a girl before you pull that shit," she says angrily to his face to hide the fear that's coursing through her veins. _You're not going in there, no way, no how, no_... before she can give a voice to her thought she feels herself being pulled through the door. It's an odd sensation, like passing through jello. All too soon she is on the other side. Kenzi had her eyes tightly shut the whole time. She was too afraid to open them, afraid of what she's was going to see...what she remembers. Dyson speaks gently, "Kenzi, it is okay, open your eyes Kenzi, I'm here," he says trying to reassure her.

Slowly Kenzi opens her eyes and sees her younger self decorating the tree with Mr Wyzanski. It's a lovely sight, she smiles at the memory being played out right in front of her. She watches as the young girl hands him the angel. Suddenly Kenzi is filled with panic. "Dyson, we have to get out of here, NOW!" She's yelling at him, trying to get him to see the seriousness of the situation. He doesn't move, his eyes are focused on the little girl and the older man. Kenzi tries shaking him, "Dyson...DYSON!" she yells louder. Desperate to get his attention she begs him, "Please Dyson, now...can we go now?" Tears are running down her cheeks and her hands are shaking as she's trying to get his attention.

When Dyson does acknowledge her he turns to her with at a sad expression on his face. His eyes look softer and his expression is one of worry. His eyebrows are raised as if he's asking if she's okay. _NO you're not okay, you want to go home_. Kenzi collapses to her knees when she hears the key in the door and the sound of slurred voices. "Too late," she whispers as her mother and stepfather come barreling through the door.

Her younger self races up to her mother waving the angel in hand. "Look mummy, look what I made you," she says with such pride. Kenzi watches as her mother takes the angel and asks, "What the hells is he doin here?" pointing to the buildings supervisor. Her younger self is eager to answer, "Mr Wyzanski, he, he brought us a tree. I know you said no tree, but it's free mummy, it's pretty isn't it, look at the pretty tree mummy."

"Get the fuck out of my apartment!" Kenzi watches as her stepfather shoves the poor man out of the door. "And don't come back you freak or I'll call the cops and tell them you've been messing with my child!" He slams the door and turns back around. Kenzi remembers that fire in his eyes. She screams to her younger self, "GET OUT...RUN!" She turns to Dyson who is silently watching, "Do something, you're a cop. Please don't let this happen, not again!"

Dyson bends down and takes Kenzi's shaking hands in his and says, "I am sorry, Kenzi."

Then everything seems to slow down, Kenzi watches as her mother goes to get her stepfather a beer, as he ordered her to. Her mother doesn't return from the kitchen because she passes out drunk. Kenzi can see her sprawled on a chair the angel dangling from her fingers. Now it's just her stepfather and her younger self, he rips out the little tree from its bucket and shoves it into the waste bin.

"Piece of shit," he says as he walks up to the girl and hits her so hard she falls over the coffee table hitting her side. Her younger self cries out in shock and pain, at the same time older Kenzi swears she will kill him! Kenzi turns into Dyson's waiting arms as she hears the words she had hoped were bleached from her memories, "Get in the bedroom, daddy wants a cuddle." She can't watch as the young girl is hauled to her feet and pulled crying towards her bedroom. When the door closes Kenzi increases her grip on Dyson and begs him to get her out of there.

Holding onto him she feels the floor fall from under her. She is sobbing into his chest asking, "Why? Dyson, why?" as his strong arms hold her tightly. It's a good job he is because her legs won't support her if he lets go.

"Tell me what he did." Dyson asks her softly.

"Please, don't make me say it" She sobs quietly into his chest. Her face is buried in his embrace and she can feel his strong heart beating. It's comforting.

"Kenzi, please, tell me." He asks again in a softer voice.

She tries to take a deep breath, she can't breathe, there's no air. He holds her closer and it gives her the strength to say, "He raped me Dyson." After the words were said Kenzi lets the tears fall, she feels dirty and sick and she just wants to go away now, far away where no one can hurt her. It was the first time she has ever said the words out loud..."He raped me," she repeats softly.

Kenzi feels the warmth of Dyson as he hugs her harder squashing her rib bones. She doesn't care as long as he holds her. She is crying into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. He gently pulls away from her, lifts her chin and says softly, "I'm so sorry Kenzi, hold on to me tightly." Before Kenzi can question his meaning she feels the world drop away again, it was the same sensation as before, it felt like she was spinning. She whispers still sobbing into his chest, "Please Dyson, no more. I just want to go home." She hates that he can see her like this, weak, acting like a stupid little girl. The streets had taught her to be tough, how to look after herself. But right now all she wants is to be held like a little girl, and her protector to make the big bad go away.

After a short time the spinning sensation stops. Kenzi is afraid to open her eyes. She doesn't want to be back there, back in that hell hole, back in the room, with her stepdad. Shaking and short of breath she burrows into Dyson's shirt. Her crying has been reduced to hiccuping sobs and she has her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Kenzi, open your eyes," Dyson tells her holding her away from him.

"I'm afraid," is Kenzi's quiet answer as she grasps his shirt in a desperate attempt to be close and feel his warmth once more. When he pushed her away she shivered as the freezing air assaulted her body.

"It's okay, I promise," he tells her. "Now open your eyes, I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Reassured that he's telling the truth she slowly opens her eyes. If she was shocked before being transported to her old apartment block, that's nothing to the shock that registers on her face when she sees the sewers stretched out before her.

It's an emotional punch in the gut, she looks at Dyson and splutters out, "Why?"

He doesn't answer, instead he lets go of her and walks away.

"Wait, you promised!" Kenzi screams after him and she begs her legs to move so she can chase after him. But she's frozen to the spot, part fear and part revulsion. She spots Dyson a little way up the tunnel thanks to the grate lighting that was letting in just enough sunlight to see. He was crouched down, his head bowed and his hands wrung together in front of him. Kenzi was relieved he hadn't left her, but she was devastated he had brought her here. Knowing what was coming Kenzi wiped her eyes with the bottom of her top and prepared herself.

She heard rather than saw, someone hurrying through the shadows. Scuffling feet the only give away at first. Then as the figure got nearer she saw herself as a teenager. She looked dirty and wore tattered clothes, this Kenzi had run away from home tired of the abuse, she was living rough in the sewers with another gang of runaways. But they were out stealing, and playing cons. Kenzi had been left behind that day. Kenzi watches as the young girl scrambles past her.

Looking at Dyson, Kenzi can see he's still got his head down, it's as if he knows what's coming and doesn't want to watch. He's still wringing his hands too, his knuckles have turned white from the exertion.

She knows she has to see this, it's part of her past. This is part of the game isn't it? Watch your past fuck ups while there's nothing you can do to change or stop events from happening. But this past event is what made her run, this is a moment in her life that she wishes she could rewind. Make it have a different outcome. But if she did, then there would be far reaching consequences. Not just for her, or young Kenzi.

Resigned to her fate she follows the young girl. Glancing once at Dyson as she walks out his sight. His eyes lock on hers for a brief second then he returns to bowing his head. In that split second Kenzi feels that he's with her. She's not afraid anymore, she catches up to her younger self and waits. It won't be long now, the sun is casting deeper shadows and she knows it's getting late. He'll be here soon. Kenzi crouches and watches the young girl, she looks so innocent. Lying on her makeshift bed holding a teddy bear. A journal lies by her side and a scruffy blanket is folded neatly at her feet. The young girl sneezes, the reason she never went with her group, she was coming down with the flu. So apologies made she had gone and laid down. The others would be back in a few hours and their "base" as they called it, was deep enough in the tunnel that no one should bother them. How wrong she was. Younger Kenzi hadn't seen him following her into the tunnel, nor had she seen him hiding out of sight until the others had left her alone.

Kenzi watches the girls reaction when he jumps out at her. He grabs her from behind. Her young lungs scream before he clamps his hand across her mouth.

He snarls in her ear, "Bitch, thought you could escape me?" He presses his crotch up against her and rubs himself on her backside. "Missed this?" he asks her and licks her neck, making the young girl shriek into his hand. Watching what's happening to her younger self is making Kenzi sick to her stomach. She longs for it to be over. Her hands are shaking and tears are running through the dirt on her face as she watches herself be raped once more by her step father. He has her pants down and is working his hand around the front of her as he turns her and then penetrates her. Young Kenzi screams against his hand. His forceful thrusts pushing her into the wall. She's crying and Kenzis heart is breaking watching this young girl suffer at the hands of this monster. Her own memories mix with what she's watching and she can feel each painful thrust as he pushes deep inside, ripping her making blood seep out and run down her legs. Her younger self is crying in pain as he's relentless with his torture of her, he pulls her nipples and makes the girl cry out again. Kenzi feels her own respond as if he's touching her, her insides are on fire and she's screaming out loud with the memory.

Dyson appears and wraps his arm around her whispering in her hair, "It's nearly over Kenzi, just hold on." Then as soon as her stepfather shouts his release the pain stops. She looks up through tear soaked eyes and watches as he pulls out of the young girl. "There, see, wasn't that better? Didn't daddy make it all better?" His sickening words of comfort make Kenzi sick. He zips up his fly and turns away from the shaking girl, now rigid, standing upright against the wall. "She's not as good as you, you know," he tells the girl as he straightens his clothes. Young Kenzi flies at him, steel glinting in her hand. She screams as she plunges the pen knife deep in his neck, "You bastard, leave her alone. Leave her alone!" He tries to gurgle a few shocked words as he falls to the ground. Blood is pouring out of his neck. She had hit the vein. He was dead in minutes.

There was something satisfying about watching him die again. Her younger self had gathered her things and ran leaving Kenzi with Dyson still holding on to her.

Breaking the silence Dyson asks, "Who were you protecting?"

Kenzi looks up at him and sees his deep furrowed frown. _He's a cop Kenzi, remember that_ she reminds herself. Wiping her tears she answers, "My step sister, Dyson she was only eleven when I left. Without me to abuse he turned to her. His own daughter. She came to stay with us when her mum died in a car accident. I've never mentioned her because she died. She had massive internal haemorrhaging and the bastard left her to die."

He turns her to face him, "You did what you had to do. It's okay Kenzi. Everything is going to be okay."

She collapses to the floor and cries out, "He deserved it. He killed her!" She's shaking with grief and crying, she feels Dyson put his hand on her head and then he tells her to open her eyes.

Slowly she does and through her tears she can see she's back sat on the factory floor again.


	4. Chapter 4

Kenzi doesn't know how long she's been lying on the floor crying out for Dyson. Begging him not to leave her as he kissed her forehead and told her goodbye. Her eyes are squeezed shut as the memory of what happened with her step father plays in her mind. Every now and again an anguished cry escapes her lips as she tries to get the phantom off her. "No, I don't want to, where's my mummy? Daddy please no, I don't like that. It hurts."  
Every second is replayed in technicolour, to make sure she doesn't miss anything. She struggles to her hands and knees as her stomach expels it's contents as the nightmare continues. She grips her stomach as another wave of sick is hurled across the floor.

"Oh deary, deary me. What we got ere then? That's a right mess, ain't it!" The voice sounded near and also familiar but she couldn't think straight enough to place it. She's buried in her own private hell, under the memories, and never noticed anyone approach her.

"What do you want?" Kenzi manages to rasp out when she notices she's no longer alone. Her world is tilted, nothing makes sense anymore. She misses her constant, her person who she so stupidly threw away with the friendship.

Looking up through tear stained eyes Kenzi sees a slim man with scruffy hair and a goatee beard. He's dressed all in leather like he's come from a BDSM play date. "Wow, I must have been hit on the head harder than I..." she's interrupted by him...

"No, already established that. Pay attention! Soul eaters, you remember?" He suddenly appears in front of Kenzi and taps her childishly on the head. He's grinning until he notices the puddle of puke at his feet. "Oi, you're not planning on any more of that are you? I just had these boots spit polished. Well I spat and he polished," he says laughing.

With her stomach still churning, Kenzi answers weakly, "I'll be sure to aim for your spit shiny boots next time." The memories are fading now. They're going back into the dark recesses of her mind. She shuts the big steel door mentally that guards them with a loud bang.

"Oh, I like you. We're gonna have fun. Now up you get sweetie. Time to go!" he tells her dancing around like an infant that's had to much orange soda.

"Go?" Kenzi replies. "Uh, no I don't think so," and she staggers unsteadily to her feet. She sways a little until the room stops spinning. Reaching down for her bag, which miraculously hasn't been stolen...she stops. Kenzi can't move, she's bent over and frozen in place like one of those stone garden statues. Her breath speeds up as she struggles to get free of whatever invisible force has her. "Why can't I move?" she asks him as the helpless feeling encases her.

He dances around Kenzi laughing, then when she's not expecting it he puts his face right in hers startling her. "Oh yeah, that's right. We only met briefly. I was um, well I was, you know, torturing Bo at the time. Not my idea, the boss lady said to," he added quickly. "Dyson told me to go and I went, but not cause he told me to you understand. Vexy here, he does what HE wants, not what others tell him."

Kenzi looks sideways at him frowning, trying to place him.

"Vex?" Kenzi repeats testing the name on her lips and tries to remember. "Vex, hey wait! You're that Fae that makes people do whatever you want. You killed that vampire..." she trails off afraid to say anything else in case it angered him.

Vex takes a step back, smiles seductively and answers, "Well, he did have it coming. Can't be all like selling secrets to the other side now can we! She took offence and well the rest you know...or did you see?" he asks smiling. "Not some of my best work, but it was bloody handy having that waste disposal there, you get it...bloody handy?" He's laughing like a maniac once more dancing around Kenzi, NOW, she's afraid. She remembers what Dyson had said about Mesmers, to be avoided at all costs! But here she was, stuck literally, with one!

For the first time since meeting him, Kenzi feels in real danger. He could make her do anything. She is not able to move either her legs, arms or body as Kenzi struggles to get free, but it's pointless. It's like she has been set in a concrete body bag, she's terrified and is wondering what he is going to do to her.

"So you're the ghost of my Christmas present?" she asks him.

He replies glibly, "Well I'm not about to show you my bleedin' Christmas am I!"

Before Kenzi can speak again he's says, "Actually love, I'm here to help. If you can believe that." He's stopped circling and is poking her nose like a puppy being told off. "Now, it's getting late and I have other people to er...torture...nah just kidding love," he winks at her and waves his hand. Kenzi falls to floor when the invisible force releases her as she overbalances. Turning and looking up at him from the floor she asks hesitantly, "Where are you taking me?"

Vex offers his hand and Kenzi doesn't move at first. He shoves it at her frowning and making tut tut sounds, so Kenzi lets him help her up. After all he doesn't need to ask her to do anything, he can just make her. That thought terrifies Kenzi beyond words. She's seen the sick fun he had with Heinrich, until Vex tore the heart out...while he was still alive!

"Right then, you ready? Haven't got all bloody day you know. C'mon let's leave this crap hole, get this show on the road." He grabs her arm painfully in his grip. Kenzi tries to pull away but he's too strong. Expecting the floor to disappear or the walls to start bubbling she closes her eyes. She opens them when she feels herself being dragged. He starts pulling her towards the exit. Once again her bag lies on the floor, and she watches it get smaller the further she is forced away from it.

"Look, I don't know what you want with me, I've had one hell of an evening and I really don't want to go anywhere with you." She kicks him in the shin and he lets go. Kenzi takes off towards the exit door almost tripping over her own feet when he shouts after her, "Ow, bloody hell. Dyson said you'd be a handful." Kenzi stops, turns and sees him hopping on one foot, whilst holding the other and hissing in pain.

"How do you know...?"

"Dyson? Oh me and wolfy, we go way back. I mean way, way over the hill, beyond the rainbow, in another galaxy back. Too much?" He smiles at her. "I never quite know when to shut me trap. Let's just say we're old friends." He stops hopping and looks at her.

"You're crazy," she tells him hoping Dyson will come back any second and save her from this moron. She just wants to go home to Bo... _Ha, but you can't, you stuffed that up...real good._ She has to agree on this, she's made a big mess, there's no going home now. Kenzi is so close to the door, she could take a few more steps and be outside, but he could make her stop anytime. It's only a few miles to the sewers, Kenzi is sure she can make it.

"Nope, you won't make it. Dyson warned me you were feisty, I like em fiesty, makes the chase that much more...mmm" he licks his lips grinning at her.

 _How the hell does he know what I'm thinking?_ Kenzi looks away a little afraid. He's talking about sexual things and she's here in the factory, alone, at night...with him! But somehow...she can't explain it, she doesn't feel like her life is in danger anymore. The more time she spends with this idiot she realises he gives off the same warm feeling that Dyson had. Mayb _e Dyson did send him?_

"Look love, you don't know me from Adam, I knew an Adam once, nice guy. Well, he was until he was caught cheating on his dark Fae wife and she hired me. I really enjoyed that one...I made him eat his own peni...ah I didn't say that," he looks sheepishly at Kenzi when she makes gagging noises, then continues, "Now, where was I? Oh yeah...you don't know me...yadda, yadda...right then, here's the deal...it's not really a deal, cos you have to do it, so I'm just humouring you. You have, and I can't stress that enough girly, you h..."

"Kenzi, my name...is KENZI you overdressed goth wannabe!" She yells at him finally letting her fear and anger take charge. "Not love, or girly, or anything else...just Kenzi...you got it?" She's in no mood for this moron. _Dyson found me once, it's still a bit hazy...he's probably gone back to get Bo. I really need to get moving. The sewer tunnels are still a good five miles away. And now I've got this dick to deal with._

"Ooh get you missy," he says to get a reaction out of her. It doesn't work, she just glares at him.

Kenzi takes charge of the situation, "Right, so you're the ghost of Christmas dudes sent to piss me off, by showing me stuff I can't change...did I get that right?"

He laughs and answers, "I never asked for this gig love, this is all you. I'm only a bit player in your life, don't even know why I'm here to be blunt. But here I am. Now purlease, can we just go already?"

Reluctantly she walks towards him, "Okay, but no funny stuff." Vex looks her up and down and licks his lips appreciatively, "Wouldn't dream of it lov...Kenzi," he corrects himself. "Follow me then," he says as he walks past her towards the door.

"Wait up then," she calls after him as she walks towards what she knows is a very bad idea!

When they reach the door Kenzi notices it's not the same exit door she was heading for just a few moments ago. It now looks like the door to the Dal. T _hats not possible_ she tells herself, but then remembers all the other stuff she's seen tonight. Vex stops and puts his hand on the handle, "Now I have to warn you, what you're about to see might be upsetting for your sensitive eye..."

Kenzi cuts him off and grabs the handle from him, "Get out of my way, the sooner this is done, the sooner I can..."

"What, run away?" Vex challenges her. Kenzi ignores his comment and opens the door. She steps outside, and straight into the Dal.

There sat at her favourite table was Bo and Lauren. No sign of Dyson, which meant he probably was out trying to track her. She had to hurry, to get away, hide, be gone.

Lauren had her arm around Bo to comfort the crying succubus. Kenzi felt bad, but Bo had Lauren and Dyson, she didn't need her. _No, she doesn't need you, she's better off without you_ she could hear herself think. Just then Bo spoke...

"I'm not better off without her Lauren, she's a part of me." Kenzi watches as Bo pushes out of Lauren's hold. Kenzi is glad, she's never really liked Lauren, Bo could do so much better. But Bo loves Lauren, and as much as Kenzi disapproves of the dr, she would never get between them.

"That's not what I meant." Lauren is trying to reason with Bo but it's just getting Bo more worked up. Kenzi has seen enough and opens her mouth to say something rude to Dr Lauren but, vex puts his hand over her mouth and whispers, "Nuh uh darling, they can't hear you."

Kenzi is disgusted and bites on his hand making him snatch it back and howl in pain. "You little bitch," he snarls at her. "I'm going to..."

"Shut up, I'm trying to listen," she replies unfazed by his threats now. If he wanted to, or even could hurt her, he would have back in the factory. But all he did do was freeze ray her and taunt her a little. She's seen his handiwork, she knows what he's capable of. He looks at her and shakes his hand to ease the pain, "If I were anywhere but here, you'd be a stain on this pretty floor." He says it in a menacing voice, but Kenzi isn't listening, she's trying to hear what Bo and Lauren are talking about.

"Look Bo, all I'm saying is Kenzi gets into dangerous situations and you put yourself on the line to save her. If she just listened to one of us to start with, her life and yours would be better...and I wouldn't be sat alone wondering what state you're going to come to me in, or if you're even going to make it home." Lauren is crying now and Bo moves sideways so she can wrap her arms around her. Kenzi never looked at it from Lauren's side before, _the dr really loves Bo and is scared that Bo is going to get hurt, or worse...get dead!_ The thought terrifies Kenzi, and she wonders how many times Bo has survived a near death to save her.

Kenzi turns to Vex, "That's what I overheard. Lauren telling Bo that I always need saving. I don't think that's true is it?"

Vex looks away when Kenzi meets his eyes with her questioning ones. "Oh," is all she manages to say as she leans on the wall for support.

"Look Lauren, I don't care what she's done. Something is wrong and I'm going to find her. You didn't see her tonight. I know in my heart she's in trouble, I understand what you said the other day, but Lauren she's my sister, I would die for her as I would die for you or Dyson. I love her, it's not a case of claiming her, I just want to make sure the people I love are safe. Look, I know the Fae world is no place for a child as you say, but Kenzi is not a child, she's a confident young woman and she's saved my ass on occasion too. The world in which we live in is a dangerous place, she is more than capable of looking after herself!"

The words coming from Bo warmed Kenzis heart. To hear her best friend say she can look after herself was all Kenzi wanted from Bo. Obviously she's not on the same level of expertise as Bo at fighting, but she could teach her, or Dyson.

Lauren sighs deeply and says, "Bo, I hear what you're saying, and I'm sorry if I come across too mean on this. But she is just a child, in our world she is just a child. A slightly annoying bratish child..."

Bo was about to say something to object no doubt, but Lauren cut her off...

"Before you say anything, I like Kenzi. I just want you to see the danger she's in, and the danger that puts you in as her protector if you will."

 _Wow, Lauren likes me. I thought she hated me. Maybe I've been too hard on her?_ Kenzi thinks about all the times she's clashed with Lauren, but now she can see it's just because Lauren is looking out for Bo. _Crap, what have I done?_ Kenzi slumps to the floor sliding down the wall.

"Nah ah, up you get. You're not finished yet," Vex tells her grabbing her arm and forcing her back to her feet.

"Get off me!" Kenzi yells at him and shrugs out of his grip. "Don't you get it? I've made everything worse. Bo would have listened, she would have understood. I never trusted her, now look what's gonna happen. She's gonna know I went all run away brat and that's harder to forgive! I'm so stupid Vex!" Kenzi turns away from him and tears slip down her cheeks.

Vex smiles at her when he turns her around to look at him, "Watch," is all he says.

"Now, you can either come with me or stay here, I'm hoping you'll come because she might need you," Bo asks, interrupting Kenzis pity party.

"Of course I'll come with you," is the Drs reply. She continues with a shocking announcement that stuns Kenzi, "Maybe we should ask Dyson to help, he can track her?" Then the two of them leave the table and walk out the exit, with Lauren calling Dyson on her cell phone. If Lauren is calling Dyson then that means she really does care about her. Dyson and Lauren are always at each other's throat when it comes to Bo, both equally jealous of each other's part in Bo's life.

Kenzi needs to sit down, she's been a bloody idiot. Running away was not the answer. She knows this now, she also knows that Dyson isn't tracking her...yet! T _here's still time to run away Kenzi, get far away so no one finds out_ the voices tell her. "SHUT UP" she screams at them through her tears, effectively silencing them.

"You talking to me love?" Vex has a shot of whiskey in his hand. Kenzi looks at him disgusted and dries her tears.

"Thirsty work luv," he downs the shot in one. "Well it was nice meeting you, until I see you again," he adds cryptically.

"Can't say it was fun, but I guess thank you," Kenzi tells him. She knows he's helped, she's just not going to admit that to him.

"Oh it was me pleasure, luv," he says laughing as he fades away.

The gesture worries Kenzi, but there was no time to ponder it. She had to get back home before Bo finds her gone. With a new sense of hope that things will be okay, she starts running back towards the Dal's door. But the nearer she gets the further it seems away. Frustrated and out of breath from running she looks up when she hears Lauren's voice, "Kenzi?"


	5. Chapter 5

Kenzi turns and sees Lauren dressed in her lab coat.

"Hurry!" She says and leads Kenzi out the back way.

When they're outside Lauren smiles at her. The smile looks forced. Kenzi can see why Bo has fallen for this woman. She is beautiful, kind and compassionate. Kenzi has badly misjudged her, maybe out of jealousy. Kenzi wishes she had made more of an effort with Lauren.

"We've been worried about you," Lauren says sternly, like a dr telling off their patient. The same feeling of being out of control overcomes Kenzi, frightened she tries to pull away. Kenzi doesn't know the story of A Christmas Carol, Bo never got that far in the book. But Bo had told her that the book was about second chances, so maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Lauren has her hand in a death grip, no matter how hard Kenzi pulls, she can't get free anyway, so she decides there's no point in fighting.

"Look, Lauren I'm sorry I hurt Bo, I never meant to. I was just trying to protect her." She looks at Lauren and sees the same faked smile still on the woman's face. "Let me go okay, I was gonna go home I swear." Kenzi is panicking now, even with a rapidly sweating hand Lauren will not let go, there's nothing Kenzi can do but go with her.

"Come with me," Lauren's voice had turned cold and menacing, she was no longer smiling either. Her face had a dark shadow, there were bags under the woman's eyes, like she hadn't slept for weeks.

Lauren's sudden change took Kenzi by surprise. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. Desperate to get out of her hold, Kenzi tried again to pull her hand from the Drs. It felt like icy fingers were gripping hers and her heart started racing. She's truly terrified, Lauren is leading her down an alleyway. She has no idea why. It's somewhere Kenzi doesn't recognise. It's dank, dark and Kenzi is sure whatever lies ahead is bad, the air is thick and it's getting harder to breathe. Struggling for breath and sweating from the exertion, Lauren turns and drags a now kicking and screaming Kenzi through a big steel door.

"Let go of me! Her screams have no effect as Lauren drags her towards the middle of the room. There's a white sheet on the floor. A body shape looks to be under it. Bo is there crying with Dyson as he holds her close. Bo is shaking and tears are streaming down her face. Kenzi can see that Dyson is crying too, his are quiet tears, but the look on his face resembles devastation. His lip is trembling, his eyebrows are raised slightly Kenzi can tell he's fighting not to cry out.

Bo on the other hand is wailing into his chest, "Why Dyson? Why did she do this?" Her hands are gripping his shirt, and are turning white with the effort.

"Bo!" Kenzi cries, "I'm so glad you're here, I need to..." Kenzi can't finish that sentence. It feels like all the air has been sucked out and replaced with sadness. She tries again, "Bo?"

Kenzi can't watch her Bo's grief, she doesn't want to know who she's crying over. She just wants to get out of there, but Lauren is still holding her hand.

"Why Kenzi, why did you do this?" Lauren mimics the words of Bo as she crosses the floor dragging Kenzi with her. She nears the sheet and a gust of air lifts it from the body.

Bo cries out and this time Dyson can't hold his grief in. He lets go of Bo and howls a deep throated growl. He collapses to his knees and Bo sinks down with him. They are holding each other shaking.

Kenzi shut her eyes tightly when the sheet was whipped off the body on the floor. She had no desire to see who was under there. Shaking and crying herself she begs Lauren, "Please I don't want to see, please Lauren can I go home? I just want to go home."

"But, Bo's here, can't you see her Kenzi, don't you recognise her?," Lauren says in a chilling voice.

"No please Lauren, let me go," Kenzi begs her, trying to pry Lauren's dead cold fingers from her own. Lauren doesn't listen and bends down taking Kenzi with her. Her eyes are still tightly shut but it doesn't stop her hearing both Bo and Dyson crying.

"OPEN YOUR EYES NOW!" Lauren shouts at Kenzi. But Kenzi is too afraid, trying to rip her hand out of Lauren's she pulls with everything she has. Sweat is gathering on her face which is turning red from the effort. She doesn't want to look, she doesn't want to see who is causing all this pain to her friends, it's then she hears Bo's anguished words and Kenzi finally opens her eyes.

She steps backwards in shock and screams when she sees her own self, lying motionless on the floor. Her bodies head is covered in blood. A gaping hole with blood gushing out. Her eyes are dead pools of silence.

She watches Bo bent over her body. Whispering Bo says, "Why Kenzi? Why do you want to leave me? Didn't you know I would have done anything for you to keep you safe? I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry. Please, don't leave me!" Dyson moves over to Bo and wraps her in his embrace.

Lauren's cold voice rings in Kenzis ears, "Look, look what you've done to her. She's broken because of you. All you had to do was come to one of us and we would have helped you. But no, you took the selfish way out. Ran away like the brat you are."

"NO, IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!" Kenzi screams, her heart is trying to beat it's way out of her chest. "You don't understand, I tried..."

"What? To crush her heart, to break her trust or to kill her spirit? What exactly were you trying to do Kenzi!" Lauren grabs Kenzi with her other hand and turns the girl towards the body, forcing her to watch.

She couldn't now turn away, she was forced to watch Bo. She has collapsed next to the body and is stroking the cheek. The pain is deep and tearing Kenzi's heart to shreds. Kenzi can't take much more, it feels like she is dying her heartbeat is slowing and everything is out of focus.

Dyson kneels next to Bo crying, he gently lifts a small bloodied hand in his own. "Kenzi, you should have come to me, I would have helped..." He can't finish because his own voice is lost in pain.

Lauren lets go of Kenzi and she falls to the floor. Her legs can't support her. She is being crushed under her own weight of fear, pain and guilt. She stumbles to her feet, her lungs are trying to breathe but finding no air. Falling once again she puts her hands over her ears to block the sounds of Bo and Dyson's crying. She's done this, Kenzi has broken her best friend, her sister...the only person who ever saw any worth in her. She wants to go back, to before any of this happened. When she was happy with Bo, when she had friends. When she was a part of something bigger than herself. Lauren is still walking towards her, her arms outstretched reaching for Kenzi.

Shaking on the floor Kenzi begs, "Please, Lauren, I'm sorry. I can make this right, please let me make this right!"

Lauren reaches Kenzi and looks down at her, dead eyes bore into her soul. She reaches for Kenzis throat and laughing squeezes. Kenzi grabs her hands to pry them off her neck. She is dying, she can feel the life draining from her. Lauren then turns into her stepfather. His fingers squeeze tighter, "Bitch, this is what you are worth. NOTHING!" He tells her in Bo's voice.

She can't fight him, he's too strong. The world is going away, it won't be long now. She can hear distant muffled voices, she can't make out the words. Black, everything is black, her last thoughts ring in her head before everything stops, _Im sorry Bo. _

"Damnit Kenzi stay awake!" Lauren is holding her hand to Kenzis head wound, trying to stem the bleeding.

"Lauren! Is she going to be okay?" Bo is beside her holding Kenzi's hand. She is whispering for her not to leave her. They found Kenzi a half hour ago lying on the floor surrounded by soul eaters. Luckily Dyson's growl scared them off, but Kenzi had been hit over the head pretty badly. Dyson wanted to go after them, but Lauren needed help with Kenzi, and Dyson was sent out for help, because there was no cell coverage inside.

Kenzi has been delirious and is going in and out of unconsciousness. She is saying things about her past that have shocked Bo, but now was not time to dwell on that, there would be time later to talk...she hoped. Kenzi is in a bad way, she can tell from Lauren's silence that it's bad. Lauren has given Kenzi meds to help the bleeding, but it hasn't stopped.

Unable to maintain the silence any longer Bo asks, "Lauren talk to me."

Lauren has seen some nasty head wounds in her time, and Kenzi's is among the worst. She just has to keep Bo and Kenzi calm until Dyson returns. Softly she tells her, "Look, we have to get her back to hospital where I can run some tests. It's bad Bo. But I won't know more until then. We just have to keep her still, and calm. Can you help me do that?"

Bo is crying, listening to Kenzi beg her stepfather not to touch her, and hearing her cry out for her mother, broke Bo's heart. This girl has been through hell and never said a word. Of course Bo knew she lived on the streets, but now she knows why. She wants to hit something, the rage is building in her. She wanted to drain a life, kill a faceless worthless excuse for a human and bring her girl home, but Lauren told her that was grief and shock talking, and all her focus should be on Kenzi and getting her through this. Bo just wants her to be okay, she's her sister and it would kill her if anything happens to Kenzi. But Bo has never been patient and just as she's about to ask Lauren again for an update, Dyson bursts through the door.

"Help will be here soon!" He cries sprinting towards where Kenzi is lying. Blood surrounds her and Lauren is holding a bandage to her head.

"Hold on honey," Bo tells her, _hold on please, don't die on me!_ she tells herself.

Help arrived just in time, any longer and Kenzi would have died. As it was she was three hours in surgery. Lauren had come out and updated Bo and a worried pacing Dyson. She was going to be okay, it was touch and go at one point, but Kenzi was a strong girl and a fighter. Bo had asked if she could see her and Lauren had told her just for a few minutes. That was two hours ago and Bo had fallen asleep in the chair.

The first thing Kenzi noticed was how bright the lights were when she tried to open her eyes. She groaned in complaint, the sound alerted Bo and she was at her bedside.

"Are you in pain? Should I get the nurse?" Bo asked softly.

Kenzi slowly shook her head, "Where am I?" she barely muttered above a whisper.

Bo sat on her bed and gently took her hand, "You're in the hospital honey, you were attacked. Your head was hit and you bled out. Lauren and the other Drs worked on you for hours. But you're okay now?"

Kenzi's eyes drifted to the cup by her bed, "Thirsty," she said in a raspy voice.

Bo leans over the bed and retrieves the cup of ice chips. She picks one out and places it on Kenzi's tongue. "Better?" she asks in a concerned voice with frown to match. Kenzi nods her head, she doesn't want to speak to Bo. She had done something stupid, but she just couldn't remember what it was. It had to be bad if she was in the hospital. Feeling guilty Kenzi tries to turn away, Bo is quick to stop her with a hand on her chin, making her meet Bo's eyes.

"Oh no you don't. Kenzi, talk to me." Bo pleads with her.

"I'm sorry," is all Kenzi says and a tear slips down her cheek.

"No, honey it's okay." Bo says with tears in her eyes too.

Suddenly Kenzi is assaulted with the memories, what she did...what she tried to do. Looking at Bo Kenzi hates that she is still making Bo cry. Wasn't this the reason she ran, to spare Bo anymore pain? Now here she is, banged up in the hospital causing Bo to be upset again! The way Bo is looking at her, Kenzi can see there's something in her eyes. Something she is not saying.

"What?" Kenzi asks her.

"Bo squeezes Kenzi's hand and brushes the hair away from the girls face, "When we found you, you were saying things. Your stepfather, the tunnels, what you did..." Bo trails off because Kenzi has closed her eyes and turned her head away. "No honey, oh Kenz, I love you. Nothing you say or do will ever stop me loving you." Bo tells her gently pulling her face back to look her in the eyes. Kenzi sees the honesty in Bo's eyes when she opens hers.

"The body, the tunnel, my stepfather..." Kenzi panics and tries to get up.

"Whoa, whoa...Kenzi it's okay, Dyson said he was owed a favour. He can make it all disappear. It's okay, please lie back down." Pushing Kenzi back down gently, Bo tells her, "Everything is going to be fine, no more running okay?" Bo is crying herself now.

Kenzi is disgusted, just how much does Bo know? Does she know details? In Kenzi's semi-conscious state what has she told her? It doesn't matter, all Bo had to do was touch her and force her to tell her everything. When Bo reached out again to stroke her cheek, Kenzi tried to pull away. "Please Bo, don't," she sobs.

"Kenzi, I would never do anything you weren't comfortable with. I will never force you. When you're ready to tell me your story, I'll be here...I'll always be here. I love you." She reaches out tentatively to stroke Kenzi's arm and this time Kenzi lets her. As Bo gets up to leave, Kenzi stops her...

"Bo I need to tell you something, something I did," Kenzi says in a quiet voice, tears are running down her face.

Kenzi is going to tell Bo everything, no more secrets, lies or running. It's time to face the truth.

Bo wipes Kenzi's face and kisses her on the cheek, settling herself on the bed beside her. Looking at Kenzi and smiling softly Bo says, "I'm listening."


End file.
